I started writing this and I really was not sure how to put my thoughts about this down. Truth is I am not really very sure how to feel .Just like Kylie Jenner I sit here realizing so many things.
Today I got my hair cut. Usually I am okay with getting it trimmed ..which is what I wanted..a trim . That’s what I asked for ..a trim…but when I looked in the mirror most of my hair was gone. At first I thought its not that bad i’ll wait for it to dry. As I lay here with my hair dry I’m thinking i’ll just wait until I put product in it tomorrow and see what it looks like. Truth be told it is short. A good 4-5 inches gone (i asked for an inch and a half). I promise you this is not a rant about hairdressers cutting off most of your hair(even though it should be) This is me trying to understand why..
Why what you ask? Why my hair has been the key point of how I see myself. My hair is my selling point, its the thing about me that I think is unique and I put the most effort into. My hair is my mask. The thing I hide behind, the thing I use to distract others from my other self perceived flaws.(I am one messed up human)
But its true I feel terrible. Even my friends know when people find me attractive my line is “its the hair” who am I with out my hair????. Once before I myself cut my hair to ghastly lengths and to be honest those months (about 16 of them) were months that I knew what it meant to be depressed.
It seems such a frivolous thing ..like come on Dani your hair will grow back ..but it really has me thinking of self image, about what we find beautiful , about what we teach our children is beauty, and why it is we cannot accept “different” as beautiful.
I think I need to make a real effort to stop hiding behind my hair but I also think we need to start socializing our children to know that they are beautiful, all of them, not only their hair or their skin or their eyes but the whole being , including their humor , their intellect and their wit.
I will try to style my hair tomorrow and hopefully not feel as bad as I did today about my mask being removed. Even though I tried to make this insightful and I really do think about what this may say about me as a person, this still is a post about being upset that my hair got cut off.