I have been trying to figure out how to write this in a way that i wont get myself in trouble if someone I know reads it, however i was never good at that so ill say what i have to say, it is always best to get the truth out anyway.
I don’t know if its an understatement to say I have daddy issues because boy oh boy do i have them daddy issues. My daddy issues stem from the fact that he was never around, promised to visit sometimes never showing up, demanding love and attention like he earned that shit by donating DNA. My daddy issues come from the fact that my daddy wants me to be open have a good relationship with him but the most effort he puts in is to give me the speech about why I don’t seem to care. My daddy issues comes from the fact that I had no real male model in my life for a long time, I had no dad ,my mom had no boyfriend, My cousins lived in a different country , my grandparents lived elsewhere AND I went to an all girls school.
We can go int the debate of if a child needs a male figure in their life at a later date but I want to say for me it wasn’t the best thing. I noticed that when i moved to a new school ,with boys, I didn’t even know how interact with them. I have gotten over that now but I still notice the issues my relationship with men cause in my daily life.(Here is where I say what I’ve been wanting too}
Now I have a very stable relationship with a great guy. He is smart, caring, funny all of the things I want. He is also family oriented. His family is great they are amazingly supportive and loving but I can’t really get myself to like his dad.
Now I know like damn Dani did you just say that?Umm yes I did . Since my degree in psychology is useless otherwise I use what I’ve learned to analyze myself. To be honest I really don’t think Its anything about him and its strange since he is basically the older version of my boyfriend but boy does he irritate me. He is a stable man in a family, something I know nothing about. He makes decisions takes responsibility and takes charge when necessary. He is always willing and always ready to fight for his kids and that shit bothers me. I know that’s all me but since growing up with women I have never noted or seen a man do something of that manner, in my head these are the things the strong woman does ,why would a weak man feel he is worthy enough to embody these roles???To be honest because he is ..he is more than enough ..he doesn’t live by the made up standards and norms in my head, which i continually remind myself. He lives in his world his reality being who he is and living life how he sees fit.
Sigh, I am working on it and trying. I know I am in the wrong here but it took me a long time to understand why, for me to really get to the understanding that its me not him. LOL maybe he is actually annoying, but I think i need to take my walls down and try to erase some of my prejudice before I can really judge.